As a tall (5’10”/178cm), black woman, I stick out in Korea. The only time I can possibly blend in is during the winter time, when I’m covered from head to toe. I’ve gotten used to the looks of astonishment that I will get from people here and it normally doesn’t bother me too much. As long as the person staring at me is a child or elderly person, then I’m okay. People my age – maybe 50 do not get the same pass. At those ages, the internet and TV are great resources to use.

In my time here, I’ve developed a sort of fear of the camera shutter sound. Thanks to Korean laws, your phone camera must have that sound. I’m afraid of it because one too many times, someone has taken my picture without my permission. There was an instance where I was sitting on the subway, talking to my friends, and then I heard the click of a camera. A guy across from us had just taken a picture! He never asked us, never alerted us he would take a picture; he just went ahead and did it. So now whenever I hear that sound, I whip my head around to see if someone took a picture of me.

I’ve also learned to be wary of elderly people here. Some of them have scars from the Korean War, some feel like foreigners shouldn’t be in Korea, but some either don’t care or really love foreigners. You never know which one you’re going to get: either an old man calling you racial slurs on the bus or an old man who wants to talk to you forever in English/Korean.

I’ve already told a negative story, so I will tell a positive story this time.

One day I stopped by the corner grocery store to grab some meat and vegetables for dinner. My friends had really wanted me to go out for Korean bbq, but I just wanted to relax. So I was standing in front of the vegetables, trying to decide which one I would realistically cook and eat, when this older woman came up to me. She told me to buy some carrots and cucumbers so that I could eat them while watching TV, so I said thank you.

Then she looked at my basket and exclaimed, “Why is it all meat in there? Are you going to eat all that tonight?”

I had a bag of mini hotdogs and a pack of bacon, mind you, and I told her no, it was for the whole week. Then she started giving me vegetables and scolded me saying I should eat healthy, even if I live alone. I politely thanked her and figured I would put some stuff back after she left. However, then she wanted to know everything about me: where I was from, what I was doing in Korea, did I like my job… She went on to tell me about her daughter who lived in New York for the past 20+ years and then she told me she would treat me to ice cream.

At this point, I figured we’d eat our ice pops and that would be the end. I was wrong. She took me to the community center nearby so that we could talk some more. In the sitting area of this community center there were a bunch of elderly women, just talking and hiding from the heat. Then here I come trailing behind this Korean woman, so obviously, all eyes were on me.

When we got all situated, we just talked some more, but awkward, shy me felt like this was an interview. Not to mention, the whole conversation was in Korean, so I was worried about saying something wrong or not being polite enough. Anyway, she told me some more about her daughter and how she really wanted to learn English, but didn’t have time with her two jobs. During this, her phone kept ringing because she was supposed to be having dinner with her friends.

Finally, her friends kept calling so she said she had to go. I was a little relieved because I was so close to going home to relax. Then, instead of saying good-bye, she chirped, “Come along!” What??? Come along? As kind as the woman was, I could not have dinner with her and her friends. For one, think about how awkward her friends would feel having some random show up for dinner and two, think about how awkward I would feel. So as we walked, I tried to think up some reasonable excuse not to attend the dinner.

On the way to the restaurant, we ran into one of her friends, so I stood back and listened to their conversation. The elder woman kidnapper introduced me as her new friend from the states, who she was going to bring to dinner. Her friend spared a glance at me from her purse and goes, “That’s hilarious. Stop messing around.” This only further solidified that I needed to get away.

Then like an answer to my prayer, my dear friend messaged me, begging to go out for Korean bbq. My kidnapper saw this, but couldn’t translate it. So I used that moment to formulate my lie. I wanted to tell her that I needed to help my friend move a couch, but I didn’t know what verb to use. So I got out the words, “friend,” “help,” and “sofa.”

She filled in the rest: “Oh, you have to help your friend buy a sofa?!”

Yes. Exactly. I said goodbye and power-walked home. I enjoyed being able to practice the Korean that I learned and getting to talk to an older woman outside of my line of work. However, I’m still a shy person, so that was out of my comfort zone, but a good experience to help expand.

TLDR; Some Korean elders should be left alone, others are really nice. I was socially kidnapped by an elderly woman, but everything is fine now.